What do you see when you look at this photo?

I see wrinkles. I see #decay . I see an old(er) woman than the one I imagine.

I don’t like what I see.

And then, even more, I really don’t like the fact that I don’t like what I see.

This is the cycle .

And I’m not sure which one is more frustrating for me; The fact I’m not aging as well as I would have wanted to (in my mind of course), or the fact that after so many years of practicing and studying yoga, practicing and studying the self, self acceptance, compassion and non attachment, I’m still struggling with the fact that I am growing older, and that even though my spirit feels young, my face tells a different story.

Every time I pass by a mirror or happen to see a photo of mine, it’s like a harsh reminder of reality.

I can see all these years in the sun and hear my mother’s voice asking me to be sun smart, to protect my skin, and me ignoring it, feeling invincible, now wishing I had listened more carefully.

I can see all the grief, sorrow, heart break and I also see the many joys, celebrations, and bursting laughters that I collected through the years.

And still, I struggle.

This is the plain truth.

And I ask myself; who is this “I” that struggles?

How conditioned is it by #society ?

By my own expectations ?

By My own critique?

I just wanted to share it. So often we put labels on others in hope to ease our own struggles and conflicts.

So often I’m told: “You’re a yoga teacher. You’re so relaxed! You’re so at peace!”

Truth is, I am not.

Or maybe the truth is, that sometimes I am and sometimes I am not.

That the practice helps me see it all; The good, the bad and everything that’s in between.

The #calm and the #storm . But mostly it gives me the space between the #stimulus and the #response , to observe, breathe and reflect rather than react.

I’m not sure where this is going. But this is where I am now.

An interesting #journey , no doubt.

Any thoughts or insights will be much appreciated.

🙏

📸 @asafluft